Hello Reader.

It’s Christmas Eve 2021 and I needed a minute away from Family. I thought what better time to slip away and introduce myself. I am not sure what happened during Covid with the family, but something changed in the conversational landscape. Uniquely no one has anything to say to one another in person this year. A monumental difference from everyone always chiming in with something unsolicited.  What happened? We all just sat in the room together and stared at one another. Maybe we’re all tired of having to be social once again, dunno. Sadly this Christmas is kinda awkward…

Went to Mexico for the Pandemic.

While the covid lockdowns are closing in, again. My wife Mrs. and I felt it pertinent to leave the United States for a while. Not sure when we will return, but we thought Mexico sounded like a better option. Right before we left were both were ‘boosted’ and I suppose we felt invincible. We are currently waxed a vacc’d and looking for same.

We thought hanging out on a beach eating tacos seemed like a better way to spend our days in a pandemic. We found a really sweet little setup here. In my research before arriving, I was told to get a place on Airbnb to hold us over while we beat the streets. So we did just that. We rented for 10 days and found a picture-perfect place for about $40 bucks a night.

We have held up in a hotel actually not an apartment as I imagined. We have access to a pool, a snack shack, and paid services like laundry and water fill. We’re feeling pretty bougie. As it turns out many people do not travel during a pandemic so we found a hotel giving good deals to long-term residents. I guess we’ll have to stick around.

Please don’t get Covid.

My first leg from Mexico was to Utah to pick up my mail, check on a few matters, and grab the Mrs. new phone. I’ll be damned if I didn’t catch a bug the day of travel. Everyone has to Covid-test prior to leaving this country. Friday was my big day, so I took myself to the local clinic on Thursday for a rapid test already feeling a bit punk. Fortunately, or so thought, I had my results in about an hour via email that I had a clean bill of health, and I was good to travel. This is from the local health clinic here in our (current) Mexican Village so it must not be serious. With a clean bill of health I traveled Friday all day, only to arrive at my folks home in leaky tears and a snot-soaked face mask. It’s as if I filled a diaper and had to wear it over my ears. By this time I am convinced I have Covid. I had gone from feeling alright getting my test, to a dripping hot mess in about 24 hours.

The plane ride was fucking awful. At one point I was sniffling and dripping so much, it was near impossible I hide my situation from other passengers. I’m convinced everyone thought I was a ‘super-spreader’ watching them retract their motions not to come in contact, perceiving their dirty looks in disgust. So I dipped into the tiny airline bathroom for a final blow and go. I quickly concoct a plan that moment-I roll up tissue, little twists, and insert them into my nose holes like snot damming tampons to keep from leaking into my mouth covering. I instantly began to twist up little pieces of tissue, mini-like toilet paper burritos, and lodge them into both my nostrils to plug my leaking nose. I covered my newly stuffed nostrils with a fresh mask and return to my seat. My plan worked as well as it could have. I felt like a boxer after losing his title match fight. My nose bulges from the tissue I’ve inserted.

I am beside myself I’m potentially visiting my 70-year-old parents with stage 4 Covid-Cron. I retreat to my room instantly upon arrival, the ‘casita’ for the remainder of my stay… An area a bit removed from the rest of the home. I am freaking out! I hadn’t contracted Covid since introduced 2 years ago, I’d done everything in our power not to ever be in this mess. In addition, I am triple-poked, how can I be so sick, I’d been so careful and self-removed. ‘Please don’t get Covid. Please don’t give covid to my parents. Please don’t have Covid’ -I rehearsed over and over in my head. As the swell of crud washes over me.

My parents knocked on the casita door every day to let me know meals had been prepared. I’d inevitably need slinky off to a private corner to eat meals my mother had just prepared, alone. All being a far stretch from the food I had been eating back in Mexico, nothing this wholesome. The mixed feeling of boyhood peace and fear of instant death wash over me as I eat my beef stew and hot crusty bread. My grandma, mom’s mom, used to make this exact meal for me when I was a child. I suspect Moms hope to give me a taste of nostalgia during my visit. She is the sweetest person I know, It tasted like motherly love and feeling a wee shit all at once. Being sick at mom’s house was bittersweet, the Mrs back in Mexico eating whatever she can’t boil. I was eating like a king here, I almost instantly felt better. Back to the casita, I went, feeling warm and full of love. I had picked out a new western movie on GooglePlay and would attempt to keep my Covid confined to my own space for the rest of that evening.

Every time I touch an object like a door, a handle, or a tabletop I instantly wipe it down like someone who’d be dusted for prints for the crime I have just committed on my parents. I go on to ponder again that their own son was the one who brings Covid to their doorstep. I’m thinking the worst, ‘SHIT’! What have I done, what a terrible son I am. My brothers are going to kill me for this…

Day 3 confined, I am feeling better. A lot better, mom’s love, rest, and the drugs were working. It’s a good thing too because my flight had been booked already for the following week. I have to go get my truck in Montana per the plan.

Fast forward the potential Covid Catastrophe at my folks, and my brief jaunt to Bozeman. I took a direct to MT., I picked up my truck, and drove three days straight ending up in California at the upfitter. It was almost finally time to fly home (back to MX) to my lonely bride I left without a phone. The truck is where it needed to be, I am feeling surprisingly well, and I am almost out of this frosty American winter. But I had forgotten just one last thing before leaving the United States.

-Grab weed, she said. We could use some ‘cartridges’ Mrs highlighted prior to my original US departure.

I promise I won’t be gone long…

The hotel has been great! We couldn’t have found a better setup to lay low for a while here in MX. Everyone at the hotel is very accommodating and I feel safe leaving my wife here while I travel to the states. I feel their gratitude and appreciation to have us stay at the hotel. Gives me all the confidence she is in good hands. I don’t want to go, but ‘arrangements’ must be made. Mrs. dropped her phone again also, she seems to break her phone once a year which works out great with our insurance plan. So I have planned to have one upon arrival at my parent’s house. Which is technically our ‘address’ right now considering we don’t live stateside, it’s worked our swimmingly considering we have things we need. Having Dad in charge of ‘mail’ serves us both I’m feeling. Keeps us connected. I asked to rent his non-existent basement for a while, he thankfully obliged. Now I have an address while we travel like gypsys.

We can not hide out forever here in MX, so I have arranged for accommodations upon our return come April or May. So I flew to Montana after having purchased a monster truck back in August. I finally got word it was ready for delivery. So I packed my bag and I flew back to Utah, leaving my wife without a phone. Uncertain of my travel plan or when I would return.

Without going into it in depth now. We have decided to construct our own RV, instead of say buying a traditional RV, a fixed home site, or buying anything we can not easily modify or customize upon return to the United States. Much of the reason we left for MX was that we sold a home in Seattle. One we were living in, along with most of our belongings. We left a ‘life’ in Seattle- leaving with very little. This all seemed like an ideal time to travel and be free to decide our next choice of steps. So per plan, I got the call on our truck, and I immediately flew to MT. I drove it directly to Ceres, CA. only pulling over to pee, get gas, or sleep at the nearest Best Western.

The goal of my journey is to deliver this new truck we’ve purchased to a man who can stretch the truck frame to accept our habitat design concept. The habitat we aim to build and live in one day soon. I told my wife I’d be back, and I flew to Montana alone. Leaving her alone, without a phone, in Mexico.

I promise I won’t be gone long -I said. And I left her.

Holy Shit.

At this point, it has been days since my departure. My parents seem to have dodged the illness I brought to their home, they seem to have stayed healthy and out of my rath. Despite it dripping off my face, they were able to stay healthy and out of harm’s way. Thank god for this.

I have arrived via Uber to my Best Western in Fresno. My business is done here. Unfortunately, I had planned on visiting a dispensary prior to leaving the US for a couple of ‘vape’ cartridges. While we had tried some of the local marijuana here in Mexico, we just prefer having our small ‘pens’. For convenience sake, and not smelling sublime through the village we live. After all, we had done it time and time again with never an issue at customs. THC pens just worked better for us when we needed them here.

In Fresno they deliver Cannabis. So, I placed a call and had a driver to my hotel within the hour. As it turns out the individual shows up to ‘base’, loads up a tote, and beat the streets with planned deliveries per their dispatched calls. The nice man arrived, went over my order request on his passenger seat, placed it in a sack, and drove away. Eventually ending up at the end of his shift to recount deliveries, go over inventory, and close out his shift after making his scheduled deliveries for the evening. This was a first for me and an epic display of fine American services. Thank you, California!

Because I had never been so much as looked at sideways entering Mexico when bringing ‘pens’ in. I had the confidence now to make a small dope purchase, and bring it back with me when I return. After all, I heard it was technically legal here now. With that, I ordered a loose gram of flower, to be immediately consumed at the hotel. It had been a little over a month since the last joint I smoked, so I was very excited to have this all to myself. So with my newly delivered bounty, I rolled up this loose gram and took it to the parking lot to celebrate. I then easily melted into a hot shower and slipped into a pillowy bed. I looked forward to a good night’s rest.

Travel day has come, I smuggled 4 generic THC cartridges loosely in my bathroom bag. Two ‘special’ cartridges into my ‘tech’ pocket. An envelope of ‘shatter’, a bottle of THC rosin pills, and a spirited attempt to get in two cigarette-sized boxes of pre-rolls- I believed they come 10 to a box. And two small boxes of novelty ‘fire crackers’. I thought how much Mrs. is going to appreciate this. She will be so impressed with my delivery. A gift for the woman I left alone without proper communication.

‘Fire-crackers’ are a special variety, they are small flower joints with added concentrate, dipped in oil, then rolled in Kief. They are like fuzzy little joints that’ll get two people super ‘adjusted’ to say the least. They come 4 to box, aren’t cheap, but are worth every fucking penny! These all I spread out between the duffle bag I carried through, my backpack full of cameras, chargers, phones, cords, and trinkets. A perfect disguise! How excited my wife is going to be I thought.

My plane landed in PVR and I am off that plane faster than any of my fellow passengers. I shoot straight for customs with my papers in hand. I walk through with ease, a seasoned traveler I feel. As I round the corner I see the lines forming for the final checkpoint. Something I am again familiar with is the lack of real attention to traveling luggage or the contents. After all, we are in Mexico. It’s always so simple. You approach the podium, press a button, and walkthrough. One is meant to touch a button when passing through, the button becomes two colors -green or red. And people progress through.

I studied the color, I saw the two people in front of me push buttons and get their luggage checked. I thought for sure I was in the green after having them get red. I progressed forward, I pushed the button, and I get red. No big issue here, right? I toss my bags on the belt and walk through to the other side. I see my bags being pulled by eager hands. I watch them being escorted onto their own table, I follow the bags directing my attention to the man holding them. He asks, do you have cigars? Do you have Marijuana he asks, CBD? I quickly squint my eyes in disbelief, what am I to answer? What the fuck just happened. This was about to get interesting…

Without hesitation he starts pulling items from my bag, his assistant comes over to start tossing my other bag. He flips his knife open and cuts the fresh seal off my tiny little boxes. Without having to answer he says -Yes! you have Marijuana. You can not have Marijuana he professes. You can not bring that into Mexico he says. You are going to be in very big trouble he said. You are in sooo much trouble, this is Marijuana from a plane he said. As I stand there dumbfounded looking at all my clothes, my trinkets, and my travel gear spread out all over his shiny steel table. I need your passport right now he said. As I watch the pile of my Cali grown accrue atop his interrogation table. All my stuff spread out on top of his table surface. Other travelers took notice of the commotion. Oh Shit! I’m thinking… I’m toast.

Do you have anything else he asks? As he pulls branded cannabis after cannabis from my bags. I am not really sure at this time what to expect or what to say. Without further hesitation, my instinct is to say -you mean this medicine? I am traveling alone, this is my medicine, I need this for my travel while I am here, I have a ‘condition’ I muster. A condition that I like to get high I thought to myself. You are smuggling drugs he quickly responded, you can not do that! I could tell he is not happy with my choice to travel with this or the answer I have provided.

I looked at him and said that I did not even think about the problem being such a small personal amount. However, could I fix this problem I asked? I look forward to remedying the issue we have found ourselves in I said. He said you are going to have to be punished he exclaimed, I have no choice but to report this crime he says. I am looking at both of these men looking back at me with a stack of swag on the table. I said swiftly, stop! Please put all my medicine back into my bag, let me fix this immediately. The men discussed momentarily in Spanish with me none the wiser. He said you must pay! I said payment?! Great! What do you have in mind for this small punishment I asked? He responded I have your passport, you need to give us $500 USD as punishment. I reluctantly said, ok you want money? You put all my medicine back into my bag, we can then work something out I replied. He held my ID, I zipped up my own belongings without his answering me, and he waved me to a conveniently placed ATM that miraculously only provided USD just outside the area we were in.

I walk over to the ATM bags in hand, cutting lines, dipping under the ropes full of travelers, barreling my way to the ATM on a mission from customs to make payment for my ‘crime’. I thought to myself this is fucking bullshit… I am being extorted, this is not punishment, this is Mexican Racket, this is self-serving. I punch my digits into the ATM, and I choose $400 USD. I roll up $100 and put $300 into my other pocket. I disregard my receipt and push back toward the agents. Again disregarding all lines, ropes, and physical barriers separating me from the agents and the security checkpoint. Upon my return and total disregard for all potential visitors waiting in line to enter customs experience. I walked through it like a hot knife through butter given no second look from security at all. Maybe next time I just walk through as I had given no attention to the confidence in doing so. I could sense the curiosity and disappointment from fellow travelers. I just cut through like I owned the place.

Upon my return I caught eye contact from security agents, my signaling the return of my passport, they’re directing me to a side room they had used for their endeavors. As I walk into the room they had prepared a copy of my passport. I whimpered to the agent, I only had access to $300 USD I said. He then radioed another agent a few words. He replied back -it’s ok! He quickly took my $300 and slid it under the copy of my passport he had made, not to be seen again. A copy, a sorry attempt they had my information now. As far as I am concerned a copy doesn’t mean shit. It was an obvious ploy to look as if this was some official exchange of official policy. All while giving my dope back, It didn’t feel too official in my opinion. But I won’t complain.

I grabbed my passport, and I was out! I was not going to make way for hesitation or additional meddling. I just got busted at the Mexican airport with some of Cali’s finest. A mere $300 was worth the story.